Show offs

Some people are annoying. In fact, a lot of people are annoying. The Show Off is one particular breed I haven't encountered for quite a while. I met lots when I was at school. Conscious that I am 'focusing on the negatives' and 'labelling'. I feel nevertheless that I would like to write some thoughts about the Show Off in light of the fact that I encountered one recently.

This guy is in a band I play with. He attempts to slyly win applause or get one up on others (me) most often through his words and sometimes through his actions. It's all very sophomoric. Vidi:

• "I can't do that date because I have a paid gig."

I don't care about the comings and goings of your private life and I don't think anyone else does. Simply informing us that you can't make it on that day would have sufficed. There's no need to pretend that you are an heavily-in-demand pro musician when it's clear from your playing that you are most certainly not.

• "I wrote out the music for ___ and now I'm going to have to write it all out again. Damn!"

Firstly, I didn't ask you to write the music out for me. I am perfectly capable of writing it myself. Secondly, I don't believe you did it just for me. You expect me to believe that you were sat at home spending your own free time altruistically writing parts thinking, "I must do this for Tee!" Hogwash. You were just trying to usurp my position as transcriber-arranger and assert your superiority over me as some kind of part-writing expert.

________________


But under closer inspection I am getting needlessly agitated due to several cognitive distortions on my part.

1. Labelling: He's more than "just a show off" - he's a human being. Humans are complex. They are not just negative entities bereft of anything other than negativity. Humans are a complex mix of positive, negative and neutral. When I label people I focus exclusively on the negative.

2. Mind-Reading: I don't actually know that he is doing all these things for the reasons presumed. I could be completely wrong. Although I suspect I am right. I do not KNOW it. There is a chance I could be wrong. I have been wrong in the past. In his case, he's not British so perhaps his choice of words are typical of someone from his country.

3. Should: Implicit in all my criticisms is the belief that he 'should' not be saying and doing these things. But in fact, the opposite is true. Given his personal beliefs, his personality, his manner of speaking, all formed from his education, his upbringing, friends, family and perhaps even genetics, he SHOULD speak and act as he does. If he acted at variance with his nature THAT would be odd and it would be right then to say he 'should' act different.

4. Mental-Filter: Following on from labelling, I am filtering out all the positive and focusing exclusively on the negative. Like putting a drop of ink in a glass of water. I am allowing a few possibly-negative comments and actions to cloud my entire judgement of the man and forgetting all the positives: he bought me a drink, we've spoken in a friendly down-to-earth way in the past, he's been complimentary to me before, there are MUCH WORSE people in the world!