Time Is Frightening

It just keeps on moving. What you are doing at this very moment will immediately pass into nothingness, it will be a memory only. What you did last week will become something you did a month ago, a year ago, ten years ago. The memory fades and fades. It may even pass out of mind completely before long.

I'm always thinking back to my school days - remembering those feelings I had then, the familiar smells, faces, awkward situations, the abundance of hope that I had inside me. I left in 1996 and that thought drives me crazy - I get these existential pangs of despair whenever I think about it.

I remember when I left in 1996. For the following days I was virtually pacing my room like a caged animal feeling overwhelmed that it was all over and that I would never see the inside of that building and most of those people ever again. a year later I'd think the same thought, again throughout 2000, 2004, and now 2008 - twelve year later.

It almost defies belief that it's twelve years since I left. It no longer feels like yesterday, but it certainly feels close enough for me to reach out and touch - I remember those people, the fashions, the fears, everything so well. I could almost be walking through the courtyard now seeing Danny, Phil and everyone else sitting on that bench.

What's more frightening is that I remember sitting in my bedroom in 2004 thinking these very same thoughts, 'wow I can't believe it's eight years... crazy'. Well that was four years ago and now it's twelve years since I left! My God, time just keeps on moving. Days just keep piling up. It's truly frightening.

I think I need to reread the Power of Now. This is driving me crazy.